Wednesday, October 14, 2009

'I will be Captain Underpants. OK?'

The recent school holidays have given me a new appreciation of the sheer anthropology that is involved in being the mother of a son. This was clearly illustrated to me by a couple of playdates which the small guy had over the past fortnight. The first was with his best friend, and I overheard a conversation between them which went much like this.

'Boogers? What are boogers?'
'They're bogies. Bogies. YOU know.'
'Heh heh heh.' Etc.

Then a little girl from down the road came to play. They know each other well, and are great friends, but the socialisation of nearly a year at school is making its mark. It was almost impossible for them to find a computer game they both wanted to play. The small guy's friend said that she didn't like Ben 10 Alien Force at all. 'Yuck! All that fighting!' She suggested the Power Puff Girls, to which the small guy said 'What? The Power Puff Girls? Do you want to make me vomit? Or have a heart attack?'

After canvassing whether his friend was familiar with 'the sort of magic where the magician cuts someone in half' ('We'd need a very big box,' he said thoughtfully), they sat down happily to watch the mercifully gender-issues-free Tom and Jerry Show. At one point the small guy broke wind and giggled, looking to his friend for appreciation. But she just folded her arms, pursed her lips and shook her head sorrowfully. And thus gender roles are set for life.

Today: a transcription of the most ambitious Captain Underpants adventure yet in the ongoing series by the small guy. No babies here, and no girls either.

Captain Underpants and the Treasure of the Pea Brain Pirates Poo
PS. No babies in this book.

Chapter One: 'Oh no!'

George saw a ship. 'Let's go on it,' he said.
'Oh no!' said George. 'We are far from home.'
'Har har! We got you!' said the pea-brain pirates.
'Aha! I know you two,' said one of the pirates. It was Mr Krapp.
'I will take you to the island,' he said. 'Yes, an island with treasure.'
'OK. We will go,' said Harold.
'Good. Let's go.'
'This is good,' said George.
'I've got the map,' said George.
'We are at the island,' said Harold. 'JUMP!'
'This is the place,' said George. 'The map says to dig here.'
'OK, dig.'
'Aha! The chest! Good.'
'OK, look inside... it is a poo!'
'That is dumb,' said George.
'No it is not,' said the chest.

Chapter Two: Click!

Click! It snapped its lock. Uh-oh ... Captain Underpants!
'I will save you,' he said.
Bam bam bam.

Chapter Three: Let's Go!

'OK, let's go home,' said George. 'Aha, today was fun for me.'
They were home at last.
'Do you want to play a game?' said Harold.
'We will play Captain Underpants, OK?' said Harold. 'I will be Captain Underpants.'
Bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam bam.

Chapter Four: Yes!

Ring ring!
'Yes?' said George.
'It is here.'
'What,' he said, 'not the newspaper?'
'We are in the newspaper! Oh no!' Harold said. 'RUN!'
'Just run, OK?'
So they did.

The End.

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